November 19th, as decided by the United Nations in 2013, is World Toilet Day. The U.N. is still hoping that having added another international [insert thing here] day to the roster, it will bring awareness to the fact there are still 2.4 billion people in the world without proper sanitation. In the way of puns though, World Toilet Day has most likely wiped every other international [insert thing here] day off the calendar.
People are aware, and based on scrolling though the obvious search criteria at sites such asGoFundMe and IndieGoGo, they are trying to help. Of course, our general nature is to be ambivalent to such world issues (besides the occasional armchair activism on social media) and to focus more on our own asses — in this case, both literal and figuratively. Everybody poops. Not every one gets to do it in style.
Most of us aren’t keenly aware of what it’s like to not have a place to poop. From the worst truck stopsin America, to our standard ceramic bowls with rust stains, we are kind of spoiled. We’re also not all aware what true toilet luxury looks like. It looks like stainless steel flush against the wall, that’s what it looks like. Luxury looks like a magic dookie box that plays music while you beat box your bowels. Luxury dries and massages your backside. For unabashed bathroom luxury however, you need adiamond encrusted toilet. Just don’t try to compliment it with diamond encrusted toilet paper. Or you could just poop in bags.
Credit: Russ Oneal/GoFundMe
When you can’t afford the Rolls Royce of toilets though, there is always another way to show the world that your toilet game is at another level. Like 28-inch rims on a Buick Regal, you can compliment your toilet tech with the right upgrades. Tushy transforms your toilet into a luxury bidet (a thing that replaces the garden hose for general ass cleaning maintenance). Slap on an Autopusherand now your toilet is airport terminal quality. All you need now is the neon ground effects and you are ready to dump in style. Add a motion activated GlowBowl or the more colorful IllumiBowl and watch your house-guests dook in the dark. Well, don’t actually watch them. That’s creepy. So isteaching your cat to use the toilet.
With all this new toilet tech, you might be spending a bit more time observing your fiber loads. Sitting or squatting you are going to want to track this time. You are also going to want to be entertained. The PooTime app offers a solution for both. It’s not exactly Candy Crush, but that silly game doesn’t let you time, rate, and share your bowel buffets with an integrated PooLog. Not making a downtown disaster at home? What you need is a Tinder, but for public restrooms. This app shows you the closet public restroom along with simple rankings as to the cleanliness of such. It does not yet suggest witty things to Sharpie on the stall doors. Feeling more worldly on the porcelain throne? Slap your thumbs on Pooductive to chat and play games with fellow stall dwellers around the world. Think globally, shit locally.
If you really want to save the world and not just improve your standing among the high pressure world of bathroom tech snobbery, there are ways you can help on a micro level. Take the Sarah McLachlan-worthy plight of Jill. Jill has dropped her phone in a thrift shop as well as in the toilet. Every hour another iPhone is dropped in the toilet. Not all of them survive their harrowing journey into the murky depths. Toilets are not the enemy here, pooping shouldn’t have to be what ends a phone’s journey.
On World Toilet Day, we should take a moment to appreciate how much of our culture is dedicated to the thing that you don’t think your girlfriend does. We should consider the infrastructure dedicated to removing our feces from our general proximity, and the 2.4 billion that don’t have the simple luxury of poop displacement. We’ll worry about about the smell later. For now, just be glad you have a place to stop and plop.
source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/curtissilver/2015/11/18/celebrate-national-world-toilet-day-with-this-high-tech-double-flush-bonanza/
by Curtis Silver
http://www.thisoldtoilet.com
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